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Mar-98 thru
Apr-98 Annette Cristan of Dallas, TX
May-98 Kirk Ostby of Lebanon, IN
Jun-98 Katy Austin of Gainesville, VA
Jul-98 Aaron Adair of Commerce, TX (see
below)
A friend
of mine conveyed to me the true story of a couple from a small
Texas town who came to Dallas to eat at a fine restaurant.
The waiter came over to take their order and the husband,
his face buried in the menu, remarked, "I'll have the fuh-juh,
fuh-juh..." His wife interrupted him saying, "He'll have the
fuh-JI-tuhs. Billy Ed here don't speak no Italian." The waiter
had to excuse himself to go into the kitchen and laugh.
Aug-98 Brent
Dillahunty of Tulsa, OK (see below)
My brother
(who bares a scary resemblance to "Rubber Sheets"),
an ex-Tulsa County Deputy Sheriff, and I were out one day
when we saw a man 6'8" and probably 135 lbs. I commented on
how "lanky" he was, and my brother retorted "Hell,
he could tread water in a garden hose!"
Sep-98
Judy Allen of Guthrie, OK
Oct, Nov-98 Ann Austin of Vienna, VA
Dec-98 Daphne
Miller of Austin, TX (see below)
This Christmas
Mama gave my husband and me one of them $200 Spread Spectrum
900 MHz cordless phones 'cuz I wanted to be able to carry
my phone next door to Mama's house and not miss any calls.
I asked my husband to test it out. . .said, "Take this phone
over to Mama's and call me." When he returned, I asked him
what happened because our phone hadn't rung. "Well," he said,
"I dialed our number, but the line was always busy."
Mama
thinks we're too stupid to have a $200 phone.
Jan-99
Kim Baker of Red Oak, TX
Feb-99 Meg Hassler of Columbus, OH
Mar,Apr-99
Rusty Judd of Chappaqua, NY (see below)
When I
worked for the telephone company a few years ago in customer
service and you get to talk all sorts of crazy folks. One
was this little old lady who complained that the cord attached
to the phone jack was too long and she kept tripping over
it. We explained that we could have a technician come out
there but she could go to the store to buy a shorter cord.She
didnt want to bother with it herself. We told her it would
be a week before we could get someone out there to which she
replied, "You dont need to send anyone out for goodness sakes
-- just pull it in a little from your end and it should be
fine!"
Apr,May-99
Cindi Myers of Wimberly, TX
Jun,Jul-99
Patrick Welage of Denver, CO
Aug,Sep-99
We're on hiatus. See you again in October.
Oct-99
Michael Mooney of Budd Lake, NJ (see below)
At our office, I've converted many a Tunacolyte by doing my "Vera Carp" - warning the forever-offstage Virgil to behave in the funeral parlor. "Virgil! Quit it now!" is always followed by the horizontal hand clap and topped off by the single warning index finger! Even those who have never seen a single TUNA (unfortunate as they are) know the hilarious hand jive.
Once, during a staff meeting when a few "rules were sternly re-iterated", I caught the eye of a co-worker and TUNA virin who silently followed-up the boss's berating with the classic Vera hand jive! I had all I could do not to bust out laughing! After the meeting, I laughed so hard they almost had to throw a glass of iced tea over me to make me settle!
Nov-99
Charles Pettit of Upper Marlboro, MD (see below)
MY YEARS AS A BANK TELLER, I SAW MANY A STRANGE THING. ONE THATS STICKS IN MY MIND WAS A LARGE LADY (AUNT PEARL TYPE) WHO WAS A REGULAR CUSTOMER ON THE THIRD OF THE MONTH, THE DAY SOCIAL SECURITY CHECKS WERE DELIVERED. AFTER CASHING HER CHECK, SHE SLOWLY PROCEEDED TO THE DOOR, WHEN ALL OF A SUDDEN HER UNDERPANTS WERE DOWN AT HER ANKLES. WITHOUT MISSING A BEAT SHE KICKED THEM OFF HER FEET AND PICKED 'EM UP AND STUFFED THEM IN HER PURSE AND TURNED TO US AND STATED "DANG THESE WERE A BRAND NEW PAIR", AND HEADED OUT THE DOOR. LEAVING US SPEECHLESS!
Dec-99
Vicki Burnett of Sedro-Woolley, WA
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