Inside Tuna
December
Tuna Tales Winning Story
This Christmas
Mama gave my husband and me one of them $200 Spread Spectrum 900
MHz cordless phones 'cuz I wanted to be able to carry my phone next
door to Mama's house and not miss any calls. I asked my husband
to test it out. . .said, "Take this phone over to Mama's and call
me." When he returned, I asked him what happened because our phone
hadn't rung. "Well," he said, "I dialed our number, but the line
was always busy."
Mama thinks
we're too stupid to have a $200 phone.
Daphne Miller
Austin, TX
Tastee Kreme
mmm mmm Tuna!
GIVE THE
GIFT OF TUNA
1-800-BUY-TUNA
VIDEOS, T-SHIRTS,
TOTEBAGS, CAPS, MUGS, KEY CHAINS
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TUNA WEATHER
Monday:
The weather today in Tuna, Texas is calling for that severe dry
spell to continue. AS you know Tuna is located somewhere between
San Angelo and HELL so it gets pretty toasty. Expect highs in the
120;s with a Heat Index Factor making it fell like 150 degrees.
Small animals and children may spontaneously combust in this type
of heat so please keep them near the air conditioning if possible.
Javalina Club Holds
Poetry Contest
Miss
Charlene Bumiller was recently announced the winner of the javalina
Club's Poetry Writing Contest with her entry, "My Tuna."
It is reprinted here in it's entirety:
My Tuna
My Tuna, oh my Tuna
The only place I know
I've often thought of leaving you
but don't know hwere I'd go.
For Paris has no bar-b-que and
Rome just can't compare
to a lovely Texas sunset
when the dust is in the air.
Tuna, oh my Tuna,
is such fun on Friday nights
when the Jaguars lose another
game and everybody fights.
And I love you when you're frozen
And I love you when you're dry
And In April when the pollen is so
thick it makes you cry.
But Tuna, oh my Tuna,
Please stay just the way you are
'Cause I think the world
Outside of Tuna is bizarre.
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Who's Who in Tuna
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Front row (l-r): Thurston Wheelis
(GT, ATC, RWT), Arles Struvie (GT, ATC, RWT), Charlene Bumiller
(GT, ATC, RWT), The Reverend Sturgis Spikes (GT, RWT) Back
row (l-r): Stanley Bumiller (GT, ATC, RWT), Hank Bumiller
(GT), Vera Carp (GT, ATC, RWT), Aunt Pearl Burras (GT, ATC,
RWT), Petey Fisk (GT, ATC, RWT), Bertha Bumiller (GT, ATC,
RWT) photo by Burdette Parks
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The three Tuna plays feature a total
of 29 citizens of Tuna (Tuners? Tunites? Tunanians?), along with
three non-human characters: a dog, an extraterrestrial, and a reporter
from Houston. Here are a few snapshots from the municipal memory
book, identifying each character and the parts of the Tuna Trilogy
in which he or she appears. GT: Greater Tuna; ATC: A Tuna Christmas;
RWT: Red, White, and Tuna Not pictured: Phinas Blye (GT), Jody Bumiller
(GT, ATC), Farley Burkhalter (ATC, RWT), Phoebe Burkhalter (ATC,RWT),
Leonard Childers (GT, ATC, RWT), Dixie Deberry (ATC), Sheriff Givens
(GT, ATC), Chad Hartford (GT), Harold Dean Lattimer (GT), Joe Bob
Lipsey (ATC, RWT), Garland Poteet (ATC, RWT), Ike Thompson (ATC),
Elmer Watkins (GT, ATC, RWT), Yippy (GT), and Zerk Zerk (RWT)
And visit the
to take the
Tuna Quiz!
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